The Carrot Monologue

Feb 7, 2009 at 6:03 PM
15 comments

First Attendant: She's making me want to get her a carrot.
Second Attendant: How can she make you want to get her a carrot?

Here's how.

The Carrot Monologue

Indy Bunny: A carrot sure would hit the spot right about now. It sure would. It would really hit the spot. That's what would hit the spot. A carrot. And it's in the cold box. It's right in the cold box. You just open it up and it's right in there. That's where the carrot is. And you go and get it. And it comes up here for the bun. It's in the cold box. All you have to do is open it up and get it. It's right in there. It sure would hit the spot.

[Repeat until effective.]

Try it. It works!

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[this is good]

damn these mind control games, they work every time!

[this is good]

There really is no question why First Attendant is First Attendant, is there?

^^^ wants to know when The Carrot Monologues will be hitting the stage....

it's more like a mantra.

My cats have a variant.
Sit by empty dish.

Stare.
Look up.
"It's you."
"Surely you just don't realize that there is no food in the dish."
"Because the dish wouldn't be empty if you knew."
"There's supposed to be food there."
Stare at dish.

Repeat.

[isto é bom]

[well, maybe not "good," but true]

Indy has brainwashed First Attendant, I think...

And it comes up here for the bun

LOLZ!!! (At the whole monologue, really...)

Or hypnosis, maybe... ;)

It's better than brainwashing! Anybody can coerce you into bringing them a carrot. Only a bun can make you want to do it. :-)

Exactly!

There's very little difference between coercion and what she's doing here. She's repeating this annoyance until First Attendant gives in to shut her up.

Ohhh, the tone isn't coming across on the page. You're thinking of something like that Simpsons episode where Bart and Lisa yammer on for days until Marge and Homer finally agree to take them to Mount Splashmore. (Or Kamp Krusty, I forget which.)

What Indy does is more subtle. When it works, the victim is genuinely happy to be doing the puppetmaster's bidding... Humble and grateful to serve, rather than relieved that the racket has finally stopped. :-)

It's hard to convey bunny charm in text alone, believe me... There's an insouciant sweetness about them, even when they're trying to maneuver their people into doing things for them. I have to admit, it's pretty irresistible!